Friday, November 20, 2015

Why

Last week Fletcher began showing very strange symptoms.  Aches in his joints followed by swelling followed by bruising and then the inability to walk.  After a day of not walking we took him to the hospital.

They diagnosed him with HSP Henoch-Schonlein Purpura.


After three days of being in the hospital Fletcher began to get a little homesick.  We were packed in the middle of four other beds and were the first ones to wake.  The early morning light was just breaking through the window when I heard Fletchers sweet voice whisper, "Mom?  I want to go home." My mommy heart began to break as I explained what he didn't want to hear.  I tell him that the disease he has is too dangerous to go home with right now; that it can attack the organs, mainly the heart and the brain.

Then he asks, "why?"

"Why would God do that?"  I ask him if he knows what prayer is and why it's a treasured habit. I tell him that 1,000 people are praying for him; that 1,000 people are talking with God just because he's sick.  I tell him that probably not all those people know God or even believe in Him and that for the first time they might think to themselves, "well, I suppose there could be a God, and for Fletcher I am willing to believe.  And they pray."  I ask, "isn't it worth being sick for just a few people to talk with God for the first time?"

I watch his warm smile grow.  It's the smile of sacrifice and pain, but illuminating the joy of seeing the eternal.  His head bobs with a childlike nod and I know he is willing.  He asks me what I think God is doing right now; and I don't even have to quietly ask before I speak.  I gently place my hands over his heart and brain.  I tell him, "I think God is holding His hands over your heart and brain and telling the disease to run course."



He struggles to sit himself back into his bed but leans back with more ease.  The look on his face speaks of a new character trait within himself.  For he has tasted of the struggle life can offer but now he pursues in faith.

Walking around the house with him now I see the very essence of perseverance.  Where life has knocked you down so far you walk disabled.  But you see.  You see the strength in which you get up again and walk.  What the destroyer of life doesn't know is that when he beats us so far down we are actually at the center of God.  Where His endless power of life is.  And that is where the perseverer gets up.

In the four days Fletcher could not walk my heart was tempted to fear.  But I could not.  Because I have seen the center of God.  The center of God that uses His everlasting, life sustaining power to perfect every work that befalls me.  And I am left only with, the power to hope.


4 comments:

  1. I'm weeping Michelle as I read this. Your wisdom and grace as you speak to your young son about the hard things is so inspiring. I pray that God will form me into the mother he wants me to be as he is so beautifully forming you.
    Blessings,
    Heather

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    Replies
    1. Thank you friend. You too are an exceptional mother. Love you dearly.

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  2. you have shared such awe inspiring words that will encourage so many who may wonder about pain and suffering. You are so wise Michelle, and your children will rise and call you blessed.

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