Sunday, September 8, 2013

Adonai; My master leads

Tonight was just like any other night.  I first lay down my little girl that I never dreamed I'd have.  Though she is light in my arms I know she is larger then life.  As I lay her down my fingers gentely glid over the scrape that proves this.  She had been climbing a rope wall so to be as high as her brothers adventures; when she fell.  She only pointed to the wound and then quickly signed "please" so that I will let her loose to keep up with the adventure.  An adventure probably not fit for a girl with no words.  But I know, her mother knows; she was made to keep up.

 As I tip toe from her room and move to the next I am aware of a Joy, a Peace that has reenterd my heart. It is the Peace and Joy that I had been longing for all day but He knew this moment was the moment I needed it most.

 I walk into the boys' room, it is dimly lit and ready for story time. I see them both curled up on their respective beds waiting for stories.  We then all pile onto the story sofa and read a few books.  And probably one extra beacuse I am sensitive to the day.  Today was one of those days.  It's the day the baby inside my belly decides to grow and steal away all my energy.  The energy I use to train and instruct my other three kids.  It's the day that no matter what I am telling my kids, I am definitely not listening to my own words.   To say the least this was not my favorite day. But tucking the boys into bed now, I see.
I see why the Lord; The Adonai, my leading master, led me in peace in this moment and not another.  It is the Peace that leads me to the bedside of the boy I was most impatient with, Fletcher....

I take this moment, this quiet peaceful moment, to snuggle as close to him as I can.  I cup his sweet little face in my hands and look in those deep eyes and I tell him how much I love him. I tell him I'm sorry I wasn't as patient as I should have been.  I tell him that he can never loose my love. I hope in my heart that he will not loose faith in me, when I couldn't or didn't provide for him what he needed in the moment he needed it.  He breaths a deep sigh and gives me an extra kiss.  I close the door tightly behind me.

 I feel Jesus' hands cup around my cheeks.  The cheeks becomming hot with tears.  In a whisper He says 'I am sorry you had to wait all day for this peace, but I wanted to give it to you in this moment.  I wanted you to see that I always take your face in my hands, the way you did with Fletcher and after a hard day I tell you I love you.  Because it is the most important thing to know.'  I breath a deep sigh and melt in His hands no longer feeling like the failure I know I can be.

"The Lord bless you and turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:26