“…And her name must mean song”

I remember the day like it was yesterday.  It was cold and rainy, the middle of winter, and my mind was wondering.  Thinking how great it would be to have a little girl that would play dress up with Kaleah.  She would be her sidekick the way Fletcher and Khoen are to each other. 

In that moment the name came to me.  It came to me the way a memory comes to you after you smell something familiar.  It was so easy, so natural and so perfect.  I was going to name my next daughter Lynnlee. 

The name comes after the 2 most important women in my life; my mother and my sister. 

Lynn for my sister, who so honorably saves the lives of hundreds of babies a year.  Who has sacrificed so much to help those who have no chance at life.   Not to mention she has been MY sidekick for as long as I can remember. 

Lee for my mother, who is a spiritual pillar of wisdom and prayer.  I know very few women who walk with the Lord the way she does. 

I felt proud of this namesake.  To pass down the legend of 2 women I think the world of. 

On a hot dry day in June we realized that the possibility of another little girl had became a reality; the miracle of life that comes from love unending. 

From the beginning she had to be strong, from the beginning she had to trust in the Lord.  Perfect for the name I had for her; Lynn~ my strong sister that faces death everyday and defies it when the Lord grants.  Lee~ for my mother that trusts in the pillar of the Lord and prays without ceasing. 

Death chased this little girl through more than half of the pregnancy and the living God granted her life.  Over 1,000 people prayed for her on a regular basis.

We found out we were having a girl (I know sorry), which we have never done before.  We had already been calling her Lynnlee.  My sister was coming to visit 10 days before she was due and I thought this would be perfec.t.  After all, isn’t the 4^th supposed to be early? The doctors had thought with all the complications she would come early.  I could actually present her to my sister and honor her with the name. 

But…

The Lord had other plans.  Not only did she not arrive while my sister was here but then only a few days before she was due to be here, God came to me in a dream. 

He spoke to me in the dream and said “You must not name her Lynnlee.  Her name must mean song.”  Then I saw the name and He spoke it over me.  I woke up a bit frazzled and the name vanished from my mind.  Just like that it was gone, all but the first 2 letters: S O.  I have no idea what the protocol is in having dreams from the Lord.  It has never happened to me before.  I desperately tried to go back to sleep and I asked the Lord to give me the dream again.  After all, this seemed very important to Him.  But, the dream never came back. 

I told Troy about the dream the next day and we spent days praying for confirmation and leading from the Lord. 

Although I couldn’t remember the exact name God had said there were 2 things I did remember.  He was VERY specific that her name should NOT be Lynnlee and that it MUST mean song.  I did see the name and I remembered that the name began with the letters S O. 

I have to admit it took me a few days to fully surrender my heart.  I knew it had been God that spoke to me.  But I also just really loved the name Lynnlee.  In the end I knew that I had 2 options.  I could obey the living God that comes to petty servants like me in a dream, or, I could shrug off the dream and call it just another dream in order to continue on with one of my own dreams.  Passing down a namesake.  I chose to obey, because in the end I would rather my daughter know that her mommy trusted and obeyed God rather than pursue her own desires. 

I began to stress (just a little) not knowing what we were going to be naming our baby only 4 days before she was here.  I didn’t know why this was so important to God.  Why did He care so much what her name was and why would it be so important that her name mean song?  It didn’t make sense to me.  Granted all of our kids’ names hold deep meaning.  Khoen Lamech, the priest that weeps for his people.  Fletcher Townsend, one that thinks deeply over life and is named after Walt Townsend, Troy’s mentor. Kaleah Pearl, beauty of our God often comes through the refining of great pain. 

I spent days talking to the Lord about this and He brought a picture to my mind.  In heaven there are angels and elders singing.  Constantly.  Singing.  Praise is very close to Gods heart.  I think that is information I have always taken for granted.  I have seen it a number of times in the bible.  We sing religiously in church.  However, I had yet to think of how this makes God feel. 

He had intervened so many times in this little baby’s life and I had not even laid eyes on her yet.  He had granted miracles on her behalf.  And was drawing numerous people to Himself through prayer in desire to communicate with His people and be in deep fellowship over a life that had only barley begun.

THESE are grounds for singing.  

So Troy and I began looking for names that meant song and possibly start with SO. 

We found it. 

Sora.  Meaning songbird. 

Sophia.  Meaning Wisdom.

It didn’t hit me like I thought it was going to.  I wasn’t so enthralled by it the first time I read it.  It didn’t roll off my tongue or make my ears perk the way other names do.  I have to admit I wasn’t sold on it at first.  I needed to pray.

I laid awake many nights praying about this name for her and one night it was there.  The reason.   She is to be one that sings the song of her God; the song of praise, the song of life, the song of redemption, the song of wisdom.   And I’ll tell you what does enthrall me, My God.  What does roll off my tongue, His Names.  There is nothing that makes my ears perk like the sound of His voice.  For this reason I committed to naming my daughter Sora Sophia. 

She shall be my little songbird and together we will sing unto the Lord, forever and ever.

Adonai; My master leads

Tonight was just like any other night.  I first lay down my little girl that I never dreamed I'd have.  Though she is light in my arms I know she is larger then life.  As I lay her down my fingers gentely glid over the scrape that proves this.  She had been climbing a rope wall so to be as high as her brothers adventures; when she fell.  She only pointed to the wound and then quickly signed "please" so that I will let her loose to keep up with the adventure.  An adventure probably not fit for a girl with no words.  But I know, her mother knows; she was made to keep up.

 As I tip toe from her room and move to the next I am aware of a Joy, a Peace that has reenterd my heart. It is the Peace and Joy that I had been longing for all day but He knew this moment was the moment I needed it most.

 I walk into the boys' room, it is dimly lit and ready for story time. I see them both curled up on their respective beds waiting for stories.  We then all pile onto the story sofa and read a few books.  And probably one extra beacuse I am sensitive to the day.  Today was one of those days.  It's the day the baby inside my belly decides to grow and steal away all my energy.  The energy I use to train and instruct my other three kids.  It's the day that no matter what I am telling my kids, I am definitely not listening to my own words.   To say the least this was not my favorite day. But tucking the boys into bed now, I see.
I see why the Lord; The Adonai, my leading master, led me in peace in this moment and not another.  It is the Peace that leads me to the bedside of the boy I was most impatient with, Fletcher....

I take this moment, this quiet peaceful moment, to snuggle as close to him as I can.  I cup his sweet little face in my hands and look in those deep eyes and I tell him how much I love him. I tell him I'm sorry I wasn't as patient as I should have been.  I tell him that he can never loose my love. I hope in my heart that he will not loose faith in me, when I couldn't or didn't provide for him what he needed in the moment he needed it.  He breaths a deep sigh and gives me an extra kiss.  I close the door tightly behind me.

 I feel Jesus' hands cup around my cheeks.  The cheeks becomming hot with tears.  In a whisper He says 'I am sorry you had to wait all day for this peace, but I wanted to give it to you in this moment.  I wanted you to see that I always take your face in my hands, the way you did with Fletcher and after a hard day I tell you I love you.  Because it is the most important thing to know.'  I breath a deep sigh and melt in His hands no longer feeling like the failure I know I can be.

"The Lord bless you and turn His face toward you and give you peace."  Numbers 6:26

~Michelle

I come

I had one of those days today where I found myself sitting at the table praying to the Lord.

Lord I come to you today with so much on my mind and so many, well thoughts..
              Thoughts about...
Tonya, emails, sweeping/mopping, Sarah, Michelle, Dinner tonight, meal planning, dinner tomorrow night with friends, reading, unpacking my groceries, parenting my little ones, Rachel, Erika, Kristi, Praying...Future, past, mine, yours.

This is all I wan to do; Abide.  Rest in You.  I believe I am.  Resting in You.  But what does that look like when my load feels so heavy?

You are the Vine and I the branch.  If I am clinging to You then all that I bear is Your fruit.  But sometimes it feels like my fruit is so heavy that it might cause me to snap.  But I don't want to be a branch weighed down and broken by good fruit.

So, I gently begin to pluck off my fruit that You have given me and I lay it at Your feet,  This is my offering to You.

Heb 13:15 Through Jesus let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of our lips that confess His Name.

In this offering receive this praise:  That I magnify Your name o God, that You would bring fourth fruit from all I do.  Because I am in You and You are in me.
we abide

John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches.  If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do no-thing.

As fruit is taken from my branch the Vine strengthens me and I am readied.  Readied because when we abide there is never rest from fruit.

May you abide in God our Father and unload your fruit to make room for the new.

-Michelle

Road trip. 3 kids, 2 adults, 9 countries, 168 hours

So here's the story....

We all had the flu over the weekend up until literally a few hours before we left for our trip through the Uk to promote Transform.  We ended up leaving in the middle of the night (hoping the kids would go back to sleep for the first leg, they didn't).  Being the responsible mom that I am (although not the most responsible person in my family;). I picked up my wallet to pack and thought I should check that I have all the documents we need.  German Visa's -check, German drivers license -check, all 5 of our social insurance cards- check(you know for that emergency.) We left the house and were on the raod.

 After driving a day and sleeping in Brussels we headed to make our Ferry reservations to enter the UK.  Troy looks at me with a white face and says, "Michelle we forgot our passports."

Oh what is one to do?  There are many 4 letter words to use here.  However, I believe there is one right one.

PRAY

We were turned down at the Ferry.  They said they absolutely needed our passports and there was nothing they could do for us.  (Just to give you a glimpse of car life Fletcher was starting to pee in his pants and I had to throw away Kaleah's whole outfit because she pooped through it so bad.)

 BUT...

 there is more than one ferry and more than one way across this ocean.  The next stop was the tunnel.  They make you buy the ticket first and then show your passports, so we bought our ticket in faith.  The guy in charge heard our story and told us "not to get our hopes up that they would never let people through with out their passports."

 But I prayed.  And the Lord heard.  And He had mercy.

The man came back and said "I don't believe it they said you could enter the UK." 

I said "I believe it!"

So in a matter of minuets we were on the train and 2 miles under the ocean.  Wow. (don't worry we now have our passports in hand thank you Gary Witherall for overnighting them to us!)

So tonight I sit here 2 miles outside of Wales and I ponder the wonderful works of my God. I am amazed by Him and the Spirit beckons me to praise. 

Psalm 48

"Great is the Lord, and most worthy of praise."

For Better Millenniums

The Lord has taken me.  He has taken me years ago.

I saw Him walking and I followed. 

Back then I was too young to know.

Know where He was going, Know what I was leaving.

All I knew was that He was there and it was enough.

But today, today I sit, decades later.  The tears hot on my cheeks and I remember.

I remember what it was like to be known.  I remember the embrace of my mother.  I remember the smell of my house, newly built and smelling of paint and wood.  I remember the laugh of my mother in law because her son is the funniest man in our life.  I remember coffee, good coffee.  I remember favorite places.

When I followed Him I left these behind.

My tears once hot on my cheeks now begin to dry with reality.

 I am here.

 And I love it, I do. 

But then why does my heart feel this.  This sadness. 

Lord, I pray, did I hear you right when I followed you?  Why did I leave all these behind? As the words come out I know.  I know.  I know the sadness has overwhelmed me. 

The sadness is still.  So still I can hear Him picking up my heart and He whispers.

He says: You are trading decades for better Millenniums.

Peace floods my heart.

I sit here, He is with me and once again it is enough.

I continue to ponder the picture, the beauty of better millenniums and I let go.  The sadness melts away and I am filled with hope.  In this hope I live the rest of the day.  In this hope I live the rest of my decades, until the decades fade into millenniums. 

Rev 21

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the old had passed away.  I heard a loud voice coming from the throne saying. “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and He will live with them.  They will be His people and He Himself will be with them and be their God, He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

When All Is Quiet

So for the past week my world has been a little bit quieter.  I have lost significant hearing (70%) in my right ear.  At first I was not alarmed, thinking it was probably wax build up.  We had had pretty crummy Q-tips this past month.  I headed into the Dr. and at the last minute I began to panic, thinking it could be something worse.  Perhaps a bug had crawled in my ear to lay its eggs one night while I slept. (eesh)

Come join me at www.intentionalpurposefulliving.com for the rest of the story

When Jesus Says Follow Me...

I’m sure most of you know this bible story: John 21:15-25, Jesus reinstates Peter.  After Peter had denied Jesus not once but 3 times, Peter couldn’t just sit around and wait for Jesus to appear as He promised.  So he goes back to his old ways.  He goes fishing. 

Have you ever gone back to your old ways, when you’re tired of ‘waiting’ for Jesus?

When Jesus finally comes to find Peter He has to make sure He has his full attention.  Because what Jesus is about to tell Peter will change him at his core.  Because this is so important Jesus knows He must address what happened the last time they were together.  Instead of flat calling him out on his denial He asks Peter 3 times, “do you love Me?”  In my mind I can picture this whole scenario play out.  I see Peter’s heart break the first time Jesus asks this.  I see him respond with confidence the second time. The third time? I see his soul unite with Jesus, his Savior.  And he reply’s the only way one who’s screwed up can; “Lord you alone know all things”.    Here is when Jesus Knows He can press on with Peter.  And He says, “follow Me.” 

Jesus actually starts walking and I can see a hop under Peter’s foot as he tries to fall in step with Jesus.  Jesus tells Peter on this walk that things from now on will seem tough and hard.  At this Jesus, once again see’s Peter’s eyes flailing about, I’m sure all too familiar to the night of betrayal. Peter notices that John has been following at a close distance and he points to him asking the Lord “what about him”?  This is the second time in scripture I see the eyes of Jesus so clearly lock onto Peter, just like the moment the rooster crowed.   In Jesus’ eyes I see the kindness of a Redeemer.  As He opens His mouth I can see the strings of His vocal cords strengthen and He strongly says “what is it to you?  You must follow me.”  His kindness meets His authority and I am beckoned to follow.

Have you ever been in a season of life where your only reply is “Lord you alone know all things”?

I have been hearing these words from Jesus whispered in my heart.  And I have learned that when Jesus says “follow me” you do.  So I have been.  As I have been following completely unaware of where He is leading me I start to feel His peace.  That’s when I know just where He is leading me.  He leads me to the end of our road where our small little kindergarten is and He asks; “can you give me Khoen?” I quickly reply that of course He can have him.  He walks further towards the playground (where He knows my mind has been lately.)  Again He asks “can you give me Khoen?”  All I say is a quiet yes.  He leads me inside where my greatest fear lies.  I hear the talking of teachers and children; the language is loud and confusing, no one speaking our native tongue.  I start to tremble, my hands are shaking.  I find myself reaching for Jesus and He is not there.  I look desperately for my Jesus.  I hear a comforting voice and I turn to see a King kneeling next to a three-year-old little blonde boy.  My boy.

 Jesus looks over His shoulder at me and asks “can you give me Khoen?”  I can only reply “Lord you alone know all things.”  He says to me “let go of my sheep, I am leading him now.”    I realize it is time for me to go and as I reach the door I see Jesus surrounding my son.  I open the door to leave and I see Jesus, ready to lead me home.

Trusting Jesus as I send my first born to Kindergarten July 1st,

Michelle